


An Understanding, not an armistice

by TellmesomethingIdontknow_88



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, But he's still Kylo, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Featuring Kylo Ren's muscles, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gratuitous Smut, Hand & Finger Kink, Hate to Love, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm a bowl of feelings at this point, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Large hands, Large hands_large..., Minor Character Death, No real Bendemption here, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo safe space, Safe space from TROS, Shameless Smut, Smutty, Soft Ben Solo, Sorry Not Sorry, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, These babies give me the feels, Thirst Order, Top Kylo Ren, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), lots of feelings, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27944624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellmesomethingIdontknow_88/pseuds/TellmesomethingIdontknow_88
Summary: Middle of the night prompt to myself... I love Reylo's where the Force is like "You two belong together! Don't believe me? I'll connect you while you're in bed." So then this little one shot was born with plenty of angst and smut lol.*UPDATE*Ok, so I decided to let hubby take a crack at it. Sooo... Chapter 5 is in progress, and it may up the chapter count by more than one chapter, eh. Sorry not sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 39
Kudos: 91
Collections: Star Wars





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't already, check out my other works (one of them written with my husband):
> 
> [Past the Point of No Return](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23805049)
> 
> [You can still take my hand](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24681658)

Kylo Ren sat up in his bed late one night, too weary to sleep, too busy trying not to think of Re… the scavenger who had rejected him. Suddenly all sound was sucked from the room… had he somehow triggered the bond after all the months it had been closed since Crait? Rey appeared in his bed, her back nestled into his side, her head tipped back against his right shoulder. She was snoring lightly, clearly fast asleep in some cramped, upright quarters. Kylo was filled with panic and indecision – she was so vulnerable to him in the moment, he could call his saber to hand and kill her in seconds, wasn’t that the fastest way to doom the Resistance? He found that all he wanted to do was watch her sleep on his shoulder, watching her body rise and fall with every shallow breath. He had never been this close to a woman outside of battle, never mind the fact that it was Rey, he was enraptured.

Rey had fallen asleep between two crates, her legs curled up against her chest for warmth as the night had cooled and there was still so much to do before getting back to the resistance. They needed all the supplies they could get. She was so tired, keeping the bond closed and her mental shields erected had taken more energy than she was willing to admit. Aside from that, she had been training and honing her Force and saber skills, and working extra hard to take her mind off what had happened in the throne room after she and Be… Kylo Ren had fought the Praetorian guards. The pleading in his voice, his soft gaze, the unshed tears he didn’t try to hide. Against her better judgement, she had fallen asleep to the thoughts of those intense eyes staring into hers. She felt warm, comfortable even. She jerked awake to find herself nestled into the side of a broad, muscled chest, there were no other sounds and she realised in shock that the Force had connected them - she was slumped up against Kylo Ren! Was he also asleep? She listened to his breathing, soft and even. She reached out tentatively through the bond only to realise that he was quite wide awake despite his inertia. Panic set in and she tried to wrench herself away from him, unfortunately his instincts, honed from years of training and battle, were lightning fast and his right hand gripped her around her waist, effectively pulling her back against and pinning her to his chest, his hand was so large it spanned most of her stomach. Not to be bested, she jerked her left elbow back but, again, his hand shot out in time, grabbing her arm and sliding down to hold her left wrist before she could make contact with his ribs. She thrashed against his hold on her stomach and wrist, writhing against him. He groaned, loud and long, shocking her into stillness.

“Rey…” he hissed, “You feel too good in my arms” he admitted, giving up his tight reign on this most deeply buried confession. He nuzzled his nose into her neck, which was now frosted over with a sheen of sweat, and inhaled her scent. Rey didn’t know what to reply, the confused feelings that churned in her gut when she least expected them to rose wildly in her chest.

“Ben…!” She turned her head so that she could see him better in her periphery, “We… can’t…” she began, exhaling shakily. Kylo felt her desire through the bond.

“You’re just as affected as I am” he muttered into the shell of her ear. Rey found she was trembling. Would it hurt just once to allow herself to give into whatever this was, this siren call? No! No!

“You can’t have this, Kylo” she said, resolve setting in. “You _chose_ to go down this path. You don’t get to be Supreme Leader of the First Order _and_ have whatever this is!” She gritted out, trying not to focus on the feel of the ridge of his right pectoral flexing against her back as his breathing sped up, anger flashing across the bond from him.

“You forget, _scavenger_ , I can take whatever I want!” He seethed into her ear. He could feel the tattoo of her heartbeat where he held her wrist. Despite her words, he could feel her response to him. She may have hated the monster, but her body betrayed her, she wanted his body even if she didn’t want the rest of him. He licked the sweat from behind her ear, earning him a gasped moan from Rey. Bypassing his conscious brain, his right hand lightly massaged a circle across her taught stomach, her pulse was racing in tandem with his now. He growled, sucking a patch of skin at the juncture of her shoulder and neck into his hot mouth, then soothed it by laving his tongue over the red mark.

“Be-en” she groaned involuntarily, shivering. “Please…” she whispered, surprised to hear how raw her voice was, “don’t stop!” What?! What had she just begged her sworn enemy to do?! Before her logical brain could catch up, the connection broke and she was once again alone, crammed against the cold wall between crates.

Kylo swore violently, tempted to shatter everything in his room with the Force. He had not often taken himself in hand over the years, Snoke had looked in, humiliating him for his human need, making sure that desire withered every time it reared its head. Now, however, there was no Snoke and he could still smell Rey in his bed and taste her sweet and sour sweat on his tongue. He roughly pulled down his sleeping pants and took himself into his hand, roughly pumping his hand up and down, remembering her whispered request just before the bond had snapped closed. He came harder than he had ever come, jerking hard and spurting all over his hand and abdomen. He lay back breathing as hard as if he had been in battle.

Rey sat still with her head tipped back against the wall, eyes squeezed shut at the phantom sensation. The echoing feeling in her nether regions told her what her bond mate had just done. He had come to thoughts of her in his arms. Her! Scrawny, small chested, nobody, orphan Rey. Kylo Ren wanted her. He didn’t want her goodness or her light, but he wanted her body, the least interesting part about her. She was tempted to dip her fingers into her pants, slaking the thirst he had awakened in her, but she clamped down on the urge, knowing he would then know she had been equally affected, coming to thoughts of his body around hers. She focused on her breathing, re-enacting saber forms in her mind to bring her thundering heart under control. She unfurled herself and set back to her work to take her mind away from its traitorous thoughts.

____________

Several weeks later, Rey lay awake in the Falcon, unable to sleep, her thoughts returning to that night. Her heart ached at the thought of Kylo wanting her. Didn’t she want him too? She longed for his strong arms around her, his soft hair hanging around his face as he gazed down at her, crouching over her while she lay under him. Her heart ached because he was still Kylo Ren, he would not become Ben. He would still kill her friends, dominate, subjugate and destroy entire planets across the galaxy. She hadn’t felt this kind of heartbreak since her parents had left her, or since Han…

“Rey, please…!” Kylo whispered into her mind. She shot up, waiting for the sound to be sucked away as he appeared, it happened moments later. He stood by her bedside, his bare hands clenched by his bare sides. It appeared that he never slept with a shirt on. Rey looked away quickly, blushing hard.

“Please don’t!” She said in anguish towards the opposite side of the room, not daring to look at the intense, handsome face that haunted her. “Don’t do this, Ben,” an echo from their past. She felt his mood shift across the bond. “I don’t want this, it hurts too much! Neither of us will get anything but hurt by this,” her mouth twisted bitterly as she half turned back to him, then instead looked down at her hands. “I won’t join the First Order and you won’t abandon it. We can’t… start something. I can’t… have… my heart broken… again” she was sobbing now. He softened across the bond, unfurling understanding and a sweet, painful feeling in her direction. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his back to her. He ran a hand down his face, sighing as he did so. He was so tired, he had not been sleeping well, and now more than ever, he struggled to see what he had achieved across his life. All he had left was to bring order to the galaxy, but…

“I wasn’t made to lead anything but battle,” he said simply, surprising her with the random turn of his thoughts. He laughed bitterly, “my mother would rather choke than admit it, but there are more politics than strategy when you’re in charge - I’m more like her than I ever wanted to be.” Rey listened quietly, feeling the bitter pain lodged in his chest as if it were her own. “But this is all I have left. I _will_ bring order to the galaxy” he ground out. She felt his heart breaking with the determination of his decision. He was willfully cutting himself off from her, even though they were so deeply connected. It was like cutting off a piece of himself. He’d done it before, hadn’t he? He’d endured torture, split his spirit to the bone with the deed of killing his own father, he’d almost killed his own mother. He could take one more lashing, one more deeply cut scar into what was left of his blackened soul. Rey heard his thoughts, shutting her eyes against the tears that coursed down her cheeks.

She pulled him suddenly down to lie back with his head in her lap. She cradled his face in her hands, her sweet tears, tears for the monster beneath her, dripping down her face to land on his. He stared up at her like she was an angel from another realm. She lowered her lips to cradle them against his. He inhaled sharply through his nose, then his lips moved against hers, sliding languidly and softly across her mouth. He forgot himself, his thoughts, his surroundings and licked up into her mouth. She gasped and surrendered to the feel of his tongue sliding and tangling with hers. They both moaned softly. Kylo’s hands tangled into her hair, pulling her harder to his mouth. He broke off the kiss suddenly, standing with an intense, angry expression. He paced briefly at the side of her bed, his hands unconsciously clenching and unclenching at his side. He turned back to look down at her and she saw that it was naked hunger, not anger. Without any warning or words, he climbed onto the bed and pushed her back onto the pillows, his mouth engulfing hers again. His large hands slid up along the sides of her waist, hesitating. Rey put her hands over his, pulling them to cover her modest breasts. He sucked along her jawline and down the column of her neck as his hands kneaded her breasts and pulled at her pebbled nipples.

“Ben!” She moaned. His mouth traveled further down until it made contact with one shirt-veiled nipple, jutting proudly out. He sucked it into his mouth, earning him a few pants and needy whines from Rey. 

“Need you, sweetheart” he exclaimed against her nipple, changing to licking it over and over while he pinched her other one. Rey couldn’t think clearly against the want that quivered in her belly. Kylo shoved her shirt up and over her head along with her breastband and then began in earnest on her other nipple with his mouth. There was nothing besides his mouth on her. No Resistance or First Order, no war. No sadness or heartache. There was just him and her and the Force, which crackled around them, heightening their arousal. She allowed him to lower her pants as she raked her nails across his shoulders and back, causing him to growl against her, vibrating against her stiffened nipple. He ran a finger down the apex of her thighs and for the first time since she had first kissed him, she spoke,

“Ben! Don’t cut me off! Not now, not ever! I don’t think I could survive it!”

“Rey!” He breathed out, leaning his forehead against the valley between her breasts, inhaling and exhaling vehemently. Then his finger found the top of her mound and dipped down between her lips, rubbing up and down the weeping slit.

“Kriff, Rey!” He exclaimed through gritted teeth. He was so close to coming in his pants from the feeling of the soft, slippery sensation of her pussy. Rey swore, causing him to chuckle darkly. He experimentally slipped a finger into her opening, deepening it as she gasped and shuddered. He could feel how good this felt for her, rocking his finger steadily in and out of her, drawing more moisture with each withdrawal. “Rey Rey Rey Rey Rey” he chanted, his lips ghosting over her throat. “Don’t make me stop. Not now. Please, sweetheart. Don’t take this away from me. Let me have this, if I never have anything else like this with you again, just… let me have this” he entreated, pulling up to look into her eyes, his own glazed over with the fire of his desire, his pupils blown wide. Rey hooked her thumbs into his pants and began to roll them down over his thick, muscled thigh. There was nowhere on his body that wasn’t muscled, no wasted flesh, no part of him that wasn’t put to use. Rey slid her hands down his ribs, his abdomen, down to the part of him that throbbed. He hissed as she ran a tentative palm down his hardened length.

Some of the glazed look cleared from his eyes, replaced by panic. For a brief moment Rey wondered if he was going to pull away, if he regretted doing this with her, despite his words a moment earlier. Reading her thoughts, he hastily spoke,

“I’ve never done this before, Rey.” He huffed out a bitter almost-laugh at his own failure. “I don’t know if I can make this good for you. I want to! Kriff, I want to. But I can’t promise… You’ve probably had better… deserve so much better…”

He nearly jerked upright at the ferocity of her response over the bond. _Mine. Nobody has had you before, I’ll be your first, just like you’ll be mine. You_ **belong** _to me! … Yesss!_ She hissed as he added another finger and pumped vigorously in and out of her. His fingers began to cramp from being straight inside her tight walls so he curled them, gaining a garbled shout from Rey. He repeated it over and over until she was spasming around his fingers, with moisture running freely from her sopping pussy. He couldn’t stop marvelling that he would be her first too.

“Sweet girl. My sweet Rey” he muttered thickly before lowering his mouth to hers for an all-consuming kiss.

“Ben! Yes… Ben! I want you. I _need_ you!” She groaned. He couldn’t help the sour twist of his thoughts that she didn’t want all of him, that her arousal had clouded her judgment. “No!” Rey pushed him away with a light but sudden shove, moving his fingers out of her. Her response to his thoughts confirmed his suspicions. “No, you kriffing nerf herder!” She almost yelled at him, her sudden turn to anger completely stumping him. “I want _all_ of you! That’s where you and I differ! You want nothing to do with the light. You think you can compartmentalise everything, that you can pretend I’m not from the light side of the Force and that you represent the dark side of the Force. I can’t! I can’t forget or pretend, it’s all I think about.” It felt good to admit that, even to herself. She’d thought about it so much and denied it to herself. “I think for hours about how we can come together despite our differences and I can’t work it out…. I just can’t and it breaks my heart! Your soul calls to me, and I think mine calls to yours too… whatever this is… Shit.” She rubbed a hand into her eyes aggressively, then pulled her hand away to rest almost sadly on his arm. “I might call you Ben, but I know that you’re still Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, dictator and murderer,” his face didn’t move, as if it had been chiselled from the finest marble, but she saw the wince in his over-expressive eyes. Even so, she couldn’t stop from saying what was on the tip of her tongue, and came from the deepest parts of her soul, “do you think this hurts me because I’m an inexperienced virgin and you’re the first bloke to show me some attention?! Sure, I’ve never been in love before, I know what other people say about it…” she lowered her voice, whispering painfully, “but if this isn’t what love feels like then I don’t know what does – no. Kriff. Forget that.” She covered her face again, and vaguely he realised that it was her tell. But more than that, she had shocked him. Nothing had shocked him in a long time as much as her confession. Nobody wanted Kylo Ren. Nobody had wanted Ben Solo. She wanted both of him, _all_ of him. He pulled her hands from her face so she could look at him.

“I love you.” There it was. Three simple words that had had been branded on his heart since he met her. There was nobody like Rey. He’d lived for thirty-one years and never had anyone seen him, truly seen him, the way she had. He’d never felt like he belonged anywhere or to anyone… except to her. Rey’s eyes went wide at his words, he felt the visceral effect of it on her very being. Nobody had ever said that to her before. He had claimed another first from her, so he said it again. Unshed tears gathered in her eyes and she turned her face away from him, bringing up her hands to hide herself again. He wouldn’t allow her to hide, so he pulled her hands above her head, pinning them with one of his while his other arm supported his weight above her. Of course, this caused her nipples to jut harder into his chest, causing his flagging hard-on to return almost painfully. “Don’t hide from me, Rey. Not after that,” he said, his voice lowering an octave. He heard the echo of her thoughts, that somehow he couldn’t mean it, maybe this was the way men got sex from women. He responded over the bond. _No. Rey, no! If you don’t want to have sex with me, I will stop this right now. I swear by... by everything. I’ve loved you since the interrogation room._ He looked away and then back, scared that she would see his memory of him watching her before she had woken up in the interrogation room, then he continued. _I love your feistiness, your stubbornness, your intelligence, the fact that you’re my equal in every way. Even the annoying fact that you’re so kriffing light side._ He rolled his eyes to emphasise his point. _I don’t know how we can come together, but I want you._ He sighed. _Rey, I could die tomorrow. Maybe I will. There are many in my ranks who would see me dead with joy. But this? I can have this now and die a happy man._

“You will not!” She exclaimed angrily. “You will not die on me Ben Solo!” He kissed her then. He didn’t need to say more. She rolled her hips slowly against his erection, making it harder than ever. He moaned and rolled his hips back, causing his shaft to run through her soaked folds. He rocked faster and harder, his eyes almost rolling back into his head when she grabbed him and held him to her wet centre.

“Rey… This may hurt you… I’m so sorry… I…” he began, not knowing how to say what he meant. Rey shook her head and raised her hips so that he began to breach her. “Oh!” he groaned, incapable of further speech. He moved slowly down into her, watching her face for any sign of pain.

“Nearly there,” she gritted her teeth and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pull out and stop the pain, or if he wanted to thrust into her until he came. Hard. Rey pulled his buttocks so that he bumped down into her, fully sheathed by her. “Give me a moment,” she said breathily, then, after a few minutes, she did the most amazing thing he’d ever experienced – she rolled her hips, causing him to pull out part way and then shove back in. He looked down in awe at where their bodies were joined.

“Rey…” he panted, “I don’t want to come before you… please!” He had the look in his eyes, the one from the throne room. Rey snaked a hand down to her clit and rubbed hard circles around and across it, she couldn’t believe how good he made her feel, how well _Kylo Ren_ filled her up. He hissed at her thoughts, concentrating on not coming as he felt her walls start to clamp down on him. He pulled her hips up higher so that he could thrust up into her. He felt her begin to tremble and come apart under him.

“Ben…! I’m…. I’m…” Rey screamed as she orgasmed around him. Ben pistoned in and out of her hard and fast, chasing his own orgasm. With a loud shout he came in thick spurts inside her, burying his cock into her a few more times as he rode the exquisite feeling out to its conclusion. His vision swam and he could swear he saw spots behind his eyelids. He pulled out slowly and collapsed onto his stomach next to Rey. He turned his face to look at her and took in her sweaty body and tousled hair. She looked as if she’d just had sex, he nearly grinned. She’d just had _sex_ \- with him, with Kylo Ren. He’d just had sex with Rey. He couldn’t think past that thought.

Rey lightly swatted his arm with affectionate annoyance. “You should see your hair!” She laughed as much as she had breath for. “That was…” She panted, finding that there was no way to finish the sentence. Why did she suddenly want to cry? She had loved every moment of what they had done, but now found that her emotions were raw.

“Rey…” Kylo began, then stopped. They had slept together, despite everything, and they were still no closer to any middle ground, never mind something nearing an armistice. He reached out and put an arm around her waist, pulling her flush to him. He rested his head on her shoulder, lightly nuzzling it. There were no answers. Rey didn’t say anything and neither did he, but all the same, he counted her breaths, memorizing the feeling of her soft skin against his cheek. Rey grazed his arm with her other hand, running it over the smooth bulge of his bicep. An understanding, if not an armistice. They knew that the bond was fickle, there was every chance it would close soon, leaving this moment behind as a memory they would both tuck away. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose finds out the truth about her sister's death and turns to Rey. And Rey? She turns to the person who knows her best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been awol so long! I've managed to finally finish this chapter, and start a third one. Sorry but not sorry, I'm going to have to up the chapter count lol. Discussion of past character death, so if that triggers you, this is not for you (I'm sorry).
> 
> This might be a petty and unrealistic line of plot to follow, but I had this idea and I'm running with it y'all *shrugs*   
> It always bugged me about that scene in TFA.
> 
> Only brief smut in this chapter, but I'm setting the scene, we're getting there (again) I promise ;)

They came to each other in dreams sometimes, but the Force did not connect them. Weeks went by, then months. Rey longed for him, but feared their connection in equal measure. Now that she had had Kylo in her bed, had had him inside her, Rey felt untethered and unsure of herself. She wasn’t sure if she could trust herself now that she had given herself to him. Of course, one time (or even if it were many times, she argued with herself) did not mean that he had the _right_ to ever expect anything from her. She didn’t owe him anything… but she missed him. Her confession to him that night had torn through any illusions she may have had, Rey was in love – with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. She wondered if he ever thought of her, if he spent endless hours dwelling on their coupling and the intimate words that they had admitted to one another.

Rey took to sleeping during the day, hoping that it would mean that they would be on separate timelines and that she would never be brought to him through the bond in their beds again. She feared that she was too weak to fight off the pull he had over her once faced with him again. She dreamt of him curling over her, his feverish mouth everywhere at once. She woke, aware of the loss of his body heat and his mouth and gave in (just this once!) to her baser urges, assuring herself he would never know, they had not been connected in so long. She slipped her hand into her trousers and began to rub her clit first slowly, then increasing in tempo until she was sweeping slick fingers over herself over and over again, remembering him telling her how much he loved her. She came with a silent scream, her mouth rounded as she shivered through her orgasm.

\---

Kylo Ren sat in another endless meeting, bored and irritated. He allowed his thoughts to wander to Rey and he gently strummed on the connection between them in the fruitless hope that she would appear. It was then that he felt a phantom sensation in the pit of his stomach, an ache being released and ripples of secondary pleasure. He sat up straighter in his chair, _oh._ Rey had come. His cock rose hopefully inside his pants. He had felt nothing from her for months and for a moment he seethed, suspecting that someone else had brought her to pleasure. He searched for her along the bond, hoping to at least spy on her, he _had_ to know. “Dismissed!” He growled at the startled generals, cutting one of them off mid-sentence. He wrenched himself out of his chair and hurried back to his chambers. “REY!” He roared into the empty room, the sound reverberating. The depth of his churning emotions opened the bond briefly and he saw her lying on her sparse bunk in a room, her eyes closed with her hand still sandwiched between her legs inside her pants. _Ohhh._ She opened her eyes, revealing dark hazel irises and stared deeply into his own darkened ones for a flicker of a second before the bond closed again. Now that he knew she had come from rubbing herself, he was sure it had been to thoughts of them together, his desire for her flared. Kylo wondered if there was any point bringing himself relief, knowing that thrusting into his hand wouldn’t be as good as thrusting into _her_. He began to shed his clothing, intending to use the refresher to wash away this intense desire. He turned on the water and allowed it to pound over his battle-hardened body, but he couldn’t wash away the expression on her face when she had seen him. The unguarded joy and pleasure that had lit her eyes for that brief moment. He groaned, giving in, and masturbated in the refresher, grunting as he came quickly to the image of her hand between her legs.

Rey felt the faint, secondary ripples of his orgasm minutes later and wanted to weep. He still wanted her, after all this time and all this silence. She couldn’t help but think that they were playing a dangerous game. Nothing had changed much in the galaxy in those months, the First Order had been hard at work making sure that the galaxy knew to whom it belonged, and the Resistance had worked to grow their meagre numbers slowly and painfully. There was no outward sign that anything had happened between the Supreme Leader and the Resistance’s Jedi, their symbol of hope. Rey stood and tidied herself, biting her lip with concentration. She knew she was love-sick for the one man in the galaxy that she shouldn’t even care about, the pain centred somewhere just above her heart. For the millionth time she thought about how they could come together – _and stay together_ – how she could bring Ben back from the abyss into which Kylo Ren had tossed him. Although, of course, she loved Kylo Ren too, but he didn’t want the same things as Rey. Would Ben? Rey shook her head, trying to shake off her train of thought. Someone rapped at her door, “Meeting in 10” someone said, and she heard retreating footsteps. Oh well. She rubbed her eyes, straightened her back and left her quarters, putting all thoughts of _him_ out of her mind.

\--

Kylo couldn’t stop thinking about Rey. He should, there was enough work and oversight that needed his full attention, but Rey was on the cusp of his every thought. He worried about whether she was safe, if she was warm and well fed. Did she miss him? Had she masturbated to thoughts of him again and he had somehow missed it? No. He knew Rey, she was stubborn and determined. Though she loved him, she thought the idea of _them_ was a mistake, in unguarded moments he allowed himself to feel the sting of it, it made him feel alive the same way a physical wound did. He was well aware that she had changed her sleep routine to avoid him, he’d spent too many nights waiting up in his bed, hopeful that she’d appear and she never had. The disappointment turned into anger and resentment, which bubbled up and ended with damaged possessions, furniture, and even walls. Then, in the aftermath, he always felt regret, the sadness that the anger had masked always finding its way to the surface. _This_ was why his parents had been incapable of loving him. He knew his brooding, melancholy, and fitful nature well by now and was aware how unlovable it made him. He truly was a monster, had been since birth, something had always been wrong with him. He needed to do something to truly distract him. As Supreme Leader, it was no longer necessary for him to carry out missions or tasks, he was supposed to delegate, in fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d left the ship. It came to him at once, one morning as he rose after another night without sleep, he needed to centre himself, refocus on the purpose he had always set out to achieve. He needed to meditate, allow the Force to use him as a vessel, perhaps show him the way. Making a snap decision, he sent a message to Hux that he would be pursuing a line of investigation himself and would be leaving the ship for a few days. He made sure to heavily imply that he had _people_ in place to report on Hux’s performance of his duties while Kylo was gone. It didn’t bode well with him to leave the ship with Hux planning Gods knows what, but sometimes risks had to be taken. When he finally made his way to his TIE Whisper, everything had been prepared for him. He sat down at the control panel and keyed in his destination – Yavin 4. The fourth moon orbiting Yavin Prime had an ancient Sith temple, The Massassi temple. If his memory served him well, he remembered that the temple had been destroyed, but it was rumoured the underground levels had not been completely decimated. He didn’t care, the Force was the Force, it didn’t need a physical structure to house the raw strength of it. As he entered hyperspace, he allowed himself to relax for the first time in a very long time.

Yavin 4 was humid and hot, being a jungle moon. As he navigated his way through the thick overgrowth, he belatedly and resentfully remembered that his mother had presented his father and Luke medals here in a grand ceremony after they had destroyed the Death Star. Oh well. No point dwelling on _that_! He allowed the Force to lead him to its strongest point, considering that the natural fauna had taken over any man-made signage that may ever have been there before. It began to get dark long before he expected it, there was no point breaking an ankle in the dark trying to find the remnants of the temple. Kylo made himself a makeshift bed, rolled up his cape for a pillow, and allowed the cooling air and buzzing of the forest itself to lull him to sleep.

\--

Rey was sitting with her friends, Poe, Rose, and Finn in the Resistance’s makeshift cafeteria, chatting about nothing of particular importance. It was just another long, pointless day to Rey. Rey wasn’t the biggest fan of Poe Dameron, he always had a comeback for everything - he was a real smart arse and he also seemed well aware of his charm and good looks. However, they had somehow come to an unspoken agreement to be civil towards one another, considering they shared the same friends. Finn and Poe were close like brothers, and Rose definitely had heart eyes for Finn. Finn, however, seemed incredibly clingy towards and overly protective of Rey. She sometimes wondered if he felt more than friendship for her, but she didn’t want to address it and ruin the friendship they had now considering there was only one man for whom she held tender, if misguided, feelings. They finished their bland, beige blobs of rehydrated food and shuffled off to their various duties for the afternoon. Poe and Finn went off together laughing and slapping one another on the back, promising to go for drinks later, Rey rolled her eyes in amusement.

Later that night, a distraught Rose burst into Rey’s tiny quarters, barely knocking before barrelling into the room. Her eyes were puffy, red rimmed, and a little wild. “Rose! What’s wrong? What happened?” Rey questioned, panicked at the sudden intrusion and the state of her small but fierce friend.

“He… It was him… It was his fault…!” Rose stammered angrily through sobs.

“Who are you talking about Rose? And what was his fault? Is it Finn?” She guessed, knowing Rose’s feelings about him.

“No! _Poe!_ ” Rose growled. “That bastard!” She staggered forward suddenly, only to carefully sit on Rey’s bed. Rey didn’t say anything in response, simply allowing her friend time to formulate what she’d come here to say. Time to process her emotions. She didn’t try to hug Rose, now was not the right time to try and comfort her. Rose took a deep breath and said the most damning thing Rey had ever heard Rose say, “Poe killed my sister.”

“…I’m sorry, Rose!” Rey stammered in surprise, “But I thought she died on mission… in… in an explosion?”

“She did,” Rose whispered, eyes closed, “but she didn’t have to die. If Poe _fucking_ Dameron had followed General Organa’s orders and pulled back, my _sister_ ” Rose gulped, “she wouldn’t have given her life to make sure that the explosion happened in time. She _would have_ pulled back if Poe had followed orders and told the team to withdraw! That utter **bastard**!”

Rey had never heard Rose so angry, and Rose was fierce to begin with. Could this be true? Had Dameron’s disobedience indirectly caused Paige’s death?

“Rose! I’m so sorry!” Rey said as she processed the information. She knew Poe was a cocky son of a bitch, but she hadn’t imagined that he had gone that far in his arrogance. “Rose… how do you know? How did you find out?”

“Finn.” Rose looked at her shoes steadfastly, at last the anger seemingly subdued, “they got drunk together… Poe couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. Apparently he’s felt bad about it ever since, something about wanting to come clean to me and get it off his chest… _coward_ ” she spat out. A fat tear rolled down her cheek, she wiped it away roughly, turning her face away.

“I can’t even imagine! I’m so sorry Rose” Rey said, at a loss for what else to say.

“Finn is torn. He’s mad at Poe too… but you know them. They’re so close. After everything I’ve been through with Finn… It’s like he’s choosing _him_ ” Rose was still turned away, but Rey could see another tear glistening as it rolled down Rose’s other cheek. “Rey… I’m leaving.”

“You’re _what_?” Rey almost shouted. “No, please, don’t leave, Rose! I have so few friends… Please, don’t go!” Rey wasn’t above begging. She had so few people who really knew her, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing Rose.

“I’m really sorry, Rey.” Rose muttered, “I can’t stay here with him, with either of them. You’ll be able to get in touch with me, I’ll make sure of it. But at this point I’m sure I can do better work on my own than staying here with the Resistance.”

“Have you spoken to General… to Leia?” Rey tried.

“No. But she knows. She knows how my sister died and she didn’t do anything except demote the cocky bastard! You’ll know my coordinates, wherever I decide to go. Maybe I’ll go back to Canto Bight, there are children there who need help. I don’t know. If Finn ever realises what he’s lost, I’ll consider speaking to him again. But I’m done, Rey. I’m just… I’m done,” Rose turned suddenly and crushed Rey into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, Rose” Rey said again, clutching her friend just as tightly, “I understand. Just, please, be safe. Promise me you’ll stay safe!”

“I will, I promise, Rey.” Rose let go and stood. Rey stared after her long after Rose had left and softly shut the door behind her. In the morning, it became known that Rose had left. Finn and Poe seemed to avoid each other as well as Rey, and Rey? She felt so lost. They were only supposed to lose members of the Resistance because of the First Order, not because of each other. Nothing was what she thought it would be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts Leia only to discover there's even more to the situation than she imagined. As ever, the Force knows what... or rather who Rey needs in the middle of her distress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the pain train! Some angst, some smut... and cue soft Ben who just wants to protect his Rey.

Kylo Ren unrolled his cape and attached it at his shoulders once more. The humidity had already taken a sharp upward turn even though the sun had barely risen. He set off, trudging through the thick foliage, pushing vines and twigs out of his way. He let his senses fan out, opening himself to the Force when it hit him hard, stopping him dead in his tracks – Rey. He groped blindly for the bond between them, tugging on it hard, just once. Her lovely face appeared before him, fuzzy around the edges. _Rey. Where are you? Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours. Just you._

_Oh, for crying out loud!_ Came Rey’s response, radiating irritation. _Not this kriffing nonsense again. I’m busy Kylo._

_What’s wrong?_ Even over the bond his voice held a velvet quality to it. Rey wanted to bask in the glow of his voice alone, pull the warmth of it around her like a comforting blanket. It had been so long, and she’d only had a glimpse of him last time before the bond closed. _Rey. Please, you’re worrying me! Did someone do something…_ The way he radiated anger he didn’t really need to finish the thought; also, he was worried about her. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, ruler of the known galaxy at this point in time, was worried about her, still cared about her. It touched something deep inside Rey.

_Nothing like that…_ She decided she could at least tell him this, _I lost a friend. She left me._ Had she meant it to sound so pathetic? _She didn’t want to stay here anymore. I’m just…_

_I’m sorry, Rey. People leave…_

_You don’t think I know that better than anyone, Ren?!_ Rey hissed at him.

_Let me finish! I_ **know** _you know that. People leave, but I won’t._ He shook his head, emphasising his promise. _Never. Until I take my last breath, I will never leave you, I swear it on the gods, Rey. Never._ He said again, taking a step towards her. Her eyes remained locked with his, he could see the tell-tale glint of tears in her eyes, it did something to his insides. The urge to hold her was overwhelming, but as he reached for her he ended up running his hands through nothing but air. His roar of frustration echoed through the trees and the ruddy sky above them.

Later, after he had taken out his frustration on the foliage around him, Kylo continued his trek, at last coming to a flat stretch of stone that had clearly seen better days. He had been using his saber to cut away thick vines during his walk, but now he turned it off and attached it to his belt. He set down his things and made to sit in the middle of the clearing, opening himself completely to the Force. _Yes!_ His soul cried out as his surroundings melted away and the Force lay before him.

___

Rey clenched and unclenched her hands, she reminded herself that she had asked to see Leia, not the other way around. She needed to understand what had happened.

“Come in” Leia said brusquely as Rey tentatively knocked on her door. “Ah, Rey! It’s always so good to see you, and how is our resident Jedi doing?” Leia asked kindly, her smile lighting up her tired eyes.

“Hi General… I mean, Leia” Rey greeted in return, trying not to be flustered, “I don’t mean to disturb you, I’m sure you’re very busy, it’s just…”

“Rey” Leia said in a knowing tone, “what’s wrong?”

“Well, I’m… I came to ask you about… I heard about Poe” Rey finally managed, “How could you not discipline him for what he did?” Leia sighed, rubbing her temples with both hands and closing her eyes. She didn’t say anything for a moment, then finally looked up at Rey.

“So, the others told you about Poe’s mutiny against Vice-Admiral Holdo” she shook her head as if to bat away the memory.

“Excuse me?” Rey managed, “Mutiny?!”

“That’s not what you came to discuss?” Leia replied in horror.

“Uh… no, but now I _need_ to know! What the hell did Poe _do_?!” Leia took a deep breath and then briefly relayed the events that had occurred while Rey had been in the Throne Room with Snoke, Kylo and the Praetorian guards.

“He didn’t understand that she had a plan. He didn’t know, foolish boy. Thought he was doing the heroic thing that would save everyone” Leia said at last, a regretful smile on her face. Rey sat and processed the information that had just been relayed to her. Something cold and ugly twisted in her heart, something she should hide from everyone, particularly Leia, but it clawed its way out regardless. Rey stood, her eyes as cold as marble,

“So, you mean to tell me, _General,_ that Poe not only disobeyed orders, resulting in the death of Paige Tico and others _but_ he then went on to carry out a mutiny that delayed Vice-Admiral Holdo from carrying out her duties as acting General, which may also have prevented loss of life if she had been able to do sooner?!” Rey did not shout, but she saw Leia cringe back from her as if she had flayed her open physically, “and he has not been disciplined, not been court marshalled, he’s free to continue to play the cocky flyboy and get everyone around him killed?!”

“It’s _war_ , Rey! Poe Dameron was demoted, and he is fully aware that he is on a short leash. You do not understand how command works, how leadership works! I have to consider the good of the many and Poe is one of our best pilots, we cannot do without him if we want to win this war!”

“You keep telling yourself that Leia. You do that.” Rey spit out. She made to leave then whirled around, unleashing one last bombshell, “Did you know that Luke tried to kill his nephew? In the middle of the night. While he slept. _While he slept!_ Ben was a confused young man who had been hearing Snoke’s twisted whispers FOR YEARS and Luke didn’t even try to help him or hear his side of it. You never tried to understand why _,_ did you?! You _condemn_ your own son for something he had no control over, he had no one to turn to for help. No wonder he turned to the dark side considering the family he had,” Rey sneered, “What’s worse is that you’ve replaced him with Poe to soothe your own guilt. Poe can do no wrong because he’s replaced the son you threw away!” Rey threw her words like daggers, watching Leia grow pale and seem to shrink into her chair, “There’s still good in Ben, _despite_ what you lot did to him!”

“REY!” Leia shouted at last, but before she could say anything more Rey turned and left, practically running through the maze of corridors until she was outside and able to take a full lungful of air. Her head spun with the words she had just uttered, to Leia of all people. She felt the dark side still tingling in her blood but no guilt followed. She expected to feel ruined, sullied by the darkness that had risen within her, but she felt nothing but disappointment and the bitter taste of disillusionment. She realised that in her haste to get away from Leia and all things Resistance, she had wandered far off base. She sat down slowly, reaching for the Force as tears coursed down her face.

_Rey, sweetheart._ Kylo whispered to her. The Force felt like a wave tugging her in and under. _Don’t fight it Rey, I’ve got you. It’s ok now._ Kylo’s voice became clearer, as if he was coming closer to her across a great distance. Rey opened her eyes to find herself sitting across from Kylo in the middle of a broken stone floor out in the open. She didn’t recognise her surroundings, but he was there with her. Before she knew what she was doing, she lunged herself to straddle his lap, kissing his lips and cheeks and jaw with all of her pent-up emotions.

“Rey…” Kylo managed weakly before submitting to her, pulling her to his mouth, which he opened to lick into hers. Rey felt Kylo harden beneath his tunic and began to grind herself onto it as their kisses grew more heated. She pushed gently against his chest, finding no resistance as he laid down obediently, letting her tower over him. She followed him down, pulling at his tunic to kiss, bite and suck the skin above both his nipples. She was only dimly aware of Kylo panting and moaning under her and canting his hips up into her at a frantic pace through both their clothing. She sat up to remove her clothing, practically ripping every piece off in her impatience. She heard him think that she looked like a goddess, conquering him and enjoying the spoils. She reached down roughly to pull his pants to mid-thigh, enough to free his hard and straining cock from its confines. She spat in her hand and then stroked him a few times without the finesse she may have previously used, then sheathed herself onto his length in one hard movement. She triumphed in the pain and the sting, having not prepared herself for his girth, needing it to hurt. Kylo trembled beneath her, his eyes as dark as night.

“Move, sweetheart. Let me feel you pulling at my cock, baby… Like that, ohhh Rey!” Kylo moaned.

Above him, Rey set a punishing rhythm, using every burning muscle in her thighs, buttocks and lower back to pull off him until only the tip remained inside, grunting as she slammed back down onto him with as much force and speed as she could over and over again.

“You feel so good, Rey! That’s it, baby… ungh… take what you need! Use my cock until you come… uhh… Come for me Rey!” Kylo yelled. Rey could feel she was getting close so she reached down and cupped his balls, lightly squeezing as she changed pace to rock forwards and backwards against him. She could feel his balls tightening in her hand. Once again, she changed pace, leaning backwards on her hands to move up and down his shaft, letting it hit the hypersensitive, spongy part of her front walls until she keened from the sensation.

“Ben!... I… love… you!” She shouted as her orgasm took over her entire body, feeling him come with her and share the universe that she could see behind her eyelids. She pulsed hard, milking him of every drop of his spend, finally collapsing boneless and exhausted against his chest. She could hear his heart pounding and feel his tunic clinging to his sweaty body. They lay there in each other’s embrace for several endless minutes, trying to reclaim the oxygen of which they had deprived themselves. Kylo gently rubbed circles into Rey’s sweaty back, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his fingers. Rey closed her eyes and allowed the feeling of _home_ to surround her. Kylo gently slipped his flaccid cock out of Rey and turned them so that she lay beside him, surrounded by his arms, surrendering to the soft kisses with which he laced her forehead, temple and cheek.

“I love you too, Rey” he breathed softly against her hair. Some time later, the Force having taken mercy on them for once, they sat up and re-dressed themselves as a less than friendly wind had begun to blow. “Whatever chased you into my arms… I’m glad it did” he said, his eyes reverentially taking her in as she pulled the last of her clothing on. Rey looked up at him then, a worried frown creasing her lovely face.

“I didn’t need to be chased to end up in your arms” she replied. He reached out and pulled her back into his arms then, unable to resist the call to hold her before the Force tore them apart once more.

“Ben…” Rey licked her suddenly dry lips, “Kylo,” he interrupted her with a hand to her mouth.

“I don’t care what you call me, Rey. I _really_ couldn’t care less. As long as you call me yours, it doesn’t matter.” 

“My love,” she tried again, smiling this time, “I allowed the dark to rise within me. I haven’t turned. I _won’t_. But I’ve done something that may have changed things… things I can’t undo” she finished heavily, blinking back tears. Kylo leaned forward to touch his forehead to hers.

“You can show me, Rey… that is, if you want to…” Kylo finished off, uncharacteristically unsure of himself. “If you can’t,” he took a deep breath, “it’s ok, Rey. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give, no matter how small.” Rey tenderly traced his handsome face, cradling his jaw with all the love she could. She closed her eyes, preparing to show him the scene that had unfolded with Leia but she felt him drawing further away from her. Surprised, she realised the Force was sending her back, she couldn’t stay with Kylo, not like this anyway. She felt the panic that suddenly engulfed his too-large features, and, just before she felt him fade away, she heard him across the bond, _Come find me, sweetheart. I’m on Yavin 4._

Rey wiped her eyes and stood, feeling all at once disorientated and anxious. He’d told her where to find him. She didn’t doubt he was alone, she hadn’t felt any other presence save for his. Did she dare go to him? She took a few deep breaths and stretched her aching limbs.

Damn Poe Dameron. Damn Finn. Damn Leia. Something clicked inside her, it was like a light had been turned on inside her and she couldn’t escape the warmth of it, didn’t even want to. She’d turned a corner and there was no going back. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes to Kylo on Yavin 4, but once they're together in person, reality catches up with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that Ben and Rey make a feisty couple, like all lovey at first, then easily triggered by each other, which leads to one of them making up lol.

Kylo had no idea if Rey would come to him or how long he should wait before giving up on her, it had already been three days since their connection and he was slowly realising that perhaps she never would. At first, he had thrown himself fully into meditating and training with his saber and when he grew tired, eating and sleeping. Sometimes he would briefly explore more of the temple site, but never for long. He had had a long and restless night of sleep and suddenly meditation seemed like the last thing he had the patience to do. He prepared himself his breakfast portion, eating it slowly, contemplating how he had allowed himself, the Supreme Leader, to become this weak for a woman, Han would be horrified. He shuddered at the thought of his father, immediately changing his train of thought. After breakfast and a quick bout of stretching, enough time had passed that the sun began to rise over the surrounding forest, but he didn’t see it, his entire being sharply focused on the X-wing that had entered the atmosphere. He shielded his eyes and waited, holding his breath.

Rey couldn’t have missed his location if she tried. He was so turbulent in the Force, it was like being drawn to a magnet. She landed just beyond the edge of the fragmented stone flooring that had grass growing in tufts where the stone was missing. She exited her aircraft, aware that she was shaking from head to toe, but tried to smother the feeling. She’d made an extreme decision in anger, she didn’t regret it, but she had begun to wonder if at some point she would when she regained her senses. They moved towards each other silently, eyes locked in an intense gaze. Kylo didn’t say anything, she had come but she seemed so… calm, so unaffected. He began to take her appearance in, suddenly noticing the tremors she was so desperately trying to quell. Ah. He abandoned his stoicism to the wind and pulled her to his chest, encompassing her in his arms and pressing tender kisses to the top of her head and her temple. Rey began to cry, quietly at first, but then it turned into shaking sobs.

“Shh. Shhh. I’ve got you, Rey. It’s just you and me now. I’ll never leave you, it’s okay, baby” he whispered in her ear, holding her firmly. She was so tiny, with both arms wrapped around her he could rub circles with his thumbs against her sides. Eventually, she quieted and pulled away, but only enough so she could look up into his eyes,

“I tried to come sooner,” she sniffed loudly, which he found adorable, “Leia had the Millennium Falcon under guard, I had to steal one of the X-wings,” she gave him a watery smile.

“That’s my scavenger girl” he teased, finding it came more naturally considering he had never teased a woman in his life, never mind a woman he was in love with. “Did you disable the tracking beacon?” He asked after a moment’s thought.

“Of course, you nerfherder!” she tossed back in irritation. He smirked back at her, at least irritation was better than crying. Everything felt wrong when Rey cried, he had never admitted it, but even before… well, before, every time she had cried it had felt like someone was twisting his insides. He brought his hands up to cup her face, thumbs now stroking her cheeks,

“I wasn’t sure you would come, Rey…” he said in a soft voice, knowing that he was revealing his vulnerability to her. After all, she was here, she had chosen him, it was alright now.

“I’m sorry” she closed her eyes and reached up to touch her forehead to his, “I’m sorry I ever gave you cause to think that. When the connection closed, it felt like I was being ripped apart. It was… awful. I _had_ to come! I never want to be parted from you again!” They both leaned in further and allowed their parted lips to meet in a gentle kiss that become something more. After some time, they separated, panting for air. They sat down almost shyly, and Rey asked Kylo about Yavin 4, he then explained to her why he was there, playfully suggesting they meditate together, which caused Rey to groan.

“You want me to meditate, with you – a dark sider,” she smiled with a quirked eyebrow, gesturing comically up and down to take him in, “at a kriffing dark sider temple of all places. No way. I meant it when I said I won’t turn, Kylo. I still don’t know how this,” now gesturing between them, “is going to work. Neither of us will abandon our sides,” she sighed sadly now, “but I can’t be apart from you anymore and I don’t think you can either.”

“Not for another minute,” he said with an intensity of feeling that made Rey’s heart skip a beat. Rey sat in thought and Kylo let her, aware that she was working up to say something. After a few minutes had passed in silence, he said softly, “what is it sweetheart?”

“I need to know that you’ll never use me,” she said, surprisingly straight forward despite her long silence, “that you won’t take me back to the First Order and use me to win the war.” She plucked a piece of grass and began to fiddle with it, twisting it into circles and tying a knot.

“I won’t use you, Rey. I swear it,” he vowed solemnly. “I won’t ever lie to you either, Rey, I never have,” he cleared his throat, “there was… a time… when I did want to use you to win, in fact, I _knew_ that if you joined me, we would be so powerful, we would be unstoppable. You’re so strong with the Force, Rey. It’s beautiful, and frightening, and I’m in awe of you!” he rushed his words, nervous for her to understand. “But, that time has passed. I know it would hurt you if I manipulated or used you, and the thought of hurting you in any way absolutely crushes me,” he admitted.

Rey nodded, tears in her eyes. Of course, they had come so far together, nothing was the same as it had been for either of them. What she was doing now was considered treason and she didn’t care. Rey of the past, who had put the Resistance above everything else, would be horrified to see where she had ended up.

“But as to not taking you back to the First Order, Rey, where am I supposed to take you? I never want to be apart from you again! I can’t just leave you on some planet while I continue to run the galaxy as Supreme Leader, only to spend a few days here and there with you. Neither of us want that! And I highly doubt you’ll be going back to the Resistance now that you’ve stolen from them” he snarled.

“I _will not_ go to the First Order, Kylo!” Rey shouted. Kylo jerked back as if she had slapped him. He was so accustomed to Rey calling him Ben, it hurt him to hear her use his other name.

“So, I’m Kylo again, am I?” he sneered, “why did you come here, Rey? Really. Did you mean it when you said you loved me too?” he was blazing hot, his temper out of control, did she have any idea just how much she destroyed him? Rey didn’t answer him and he found it hard to take a breath. It had been mostly his temper talking, but what if the answer was no? Thoughts flashed like lightening through his brain, each crushing him further until he could no longer hide the sheen of tears in his eyes. Damn his inability to hide his emotions from _her._

“I told your mother what Luke did to you.” Rey said it so quietly, Kylo almost wondered if he had misheard. “I… told Leia what happened,” she glanced up quickly, then back down again.

“You did _what_?!” He spluttered. “Wait… is that why the Millennium Falcon was under guard? What the kriff happened, Rey?!”

“Come here,” she said, still quietly.

“No. Not until you tell me what’s going on,” he replied stubbornly.

“It would be far better to show you. Please… _Ben!_ ” Her pleading tone and eyes undid him, and he scooted closer until their thighs were touching. Rey took both his hands in hers, reverently kissing both before closing her eyes and pushing the memory towards him. He immersed himself in it, taking in his mother’s appearance through Rey’s eyes. He hung onto every word that was uttered, concentrating fiercely. At last, the memory ended and they looked at each other, the breeze lightly tossing both their hair.

“I love you, Rey! I love you so much!” He said over and over again, pulling her into his arms to straddle his lap, “what have I done to deserve you?” his voice was raw. “Nobody…” the tears flowed down his face freely, “ _nobody_ has ever stood up for me before. No,” as Rey began to speak, “not even them. Especially not _them_!”

“I love you too, Ben. I did it because I love you,” Rey’s muffled reply came from Kylo’s shoulder. “You know now. I’ve got nowhere to go, I’ve cut ties with the Resistance. I’m not telling you this so you can pile me into your ship and take me to the First Order. I’m telling you because you deserve to know _how kriffing much_ I love you. And…” she stopped suddenly, jerking her mouth open and then shutting it several times as a shocking idea hit her.

“What is it, Rey? Rey?!”

“Kriff. It’s been in front of us this whole time” she said in amazement, shock and surprise engulfing her features. “You were right. It’s time for the past to die.”

“Rey, you don’t believe that,” Kylo whispered, not daring to allow himself to hope.

“But I actually do, Ben. That’s the shocking thing. That’s the only way we can become who we were meant to be,” Rey replied calmly, revealing just how often she had repeated his words in her mind since the Throne Room.

“So… we just walk away from everything… everyone… You’d… you’d do that with me?” Kylo stuttered, hope beginning to flutter in his chest. This was not entirely what he had envisioned in the Throne Room, but at this point he’d give anything for a life with Rey. 

“No. But, I need someone to show me my place, Ben, and I think that’s you. We can show each other the way. I won’t turn and neither will you… but that’s not a bad thing” she mused, standing to pace back and forth as she thought out loud.

“Oookaaay…?” Kylo was so confused at this point, his long face comically pulled into a quizzical expression. “So… you don’t want to walk away from everything, and you don’t want to come back with me to the First Order, but you also don’t want to be parted from me,” Kylo tried to make sense of it, “soooo… um… we kill everybody?” he said with a lopsided grin. Kylo was not entirely opposed to the idea. His only true loyalty was to Rey.

“No, Ben!” Rey laughed, swatting at his arm, amused by how cutely dark side he was. The fact that she would never in her life had found that funny before was also alarmingly amusing. “We _disable_ them. Not kill. We destroy their resources and leave the galaxy to reset itself,” she explained rapidly, gaining confidence as she spoke.

“Hmmm.” He paced alongside her for a few moments. “But there will be no peace in the galaxy, Rey, isn’t that what you want? There will be no _order._ The lawless places like Jakku will continue and some of the core worlds could become like Jakku. Do you realise what you’re suggesting?”

“I _do_ want peace, Ben, of course I do. Ugh” she scrunched up her nose in disgust, “I can’t believe a dark sider doesn’t want to destroy things” she laughed sarcastically, “But… I guess you’re right. This is a dumb idea!” She threw her hands down, fists clenched in frustration.

“No, no it’s not dumb. Hmmmm” he paced more quickly than before. “I can’t believe _I’m_ saying this,” he pinched the bridge of his patrician nose, “uugggh! My… mother would be good as the head of a new galactic government, but we would have to disable both sides, like you say. Some of the _tainted_ blood,” he began, picturing Hux, “would have to be destroyed for this to work. There would have to be some casualties on both sides, Rey.” He turned to face her, “but then my mother would be free to begin a new government, start talks with some of the more sensible, order-minded First Order generals, those not hell bent on destroying for the sake of it,” again he pictured Hux, whose blood lust almost paralleled Kylo’s, although he had no legacy to fulfil, and had no picture of order in mind.

Rey thought long and hard about Kylo’s suggestion. Casualties on both sides. Hadn’t there been enough of that? She had naïvely been hoping for the war to end so that nobody else had to die, but that was a fairy tale, wasn’t it? She became aware that she was slowly nodding as she processed his words. “Yes.” She let out a sigh. “Yes. That’s exactly what needs to happen. I’ll go back to the Resistance… say I’ve had a change of heart, or a Force vision or something. You’ll go back to the First Order, and we’ll destroy both of their resources, that means the First Order’s considerable financial resources too.”

“Yes,” Kylo said softly, “Indeed it does. We’ll burn it all down and start somewhere new, just us. I’ll be _your_ Ben, and you’ll be my _wife_ ,” his eyes glowed with adoration, steadily looking into hers, willing her to accept him.

“I’d like that very much,” Rey whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I was just gonna end it here, because, ya know... But hubby read it and he really wants to write a follow up chapter. I suppose I could throw in some smut into whatever he writes seeing as there was a shocking lack of any in this chapter lmao, and this was always supposed to actually be a PWP.
> 
> However, if we put it together and I don't like it or doesn't feel right then this will technically be the end of this fic. Tune in next week to find out what we've decided (^_^)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo return to their factions to set their plan in motion. 
> 
> Over Force connection, Rey notices Kylo hasn't been sleeping well due to the stress of what they're doing, so she decides to help him relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil' bit of plot, lil' bit of smut. Enjoy!

A week had passed since Kylo had last held Rey in his arms and they had decided to destroy the opposing sides of the war from within. “There can be no peace without balance… but how?” Kylo muttered under his breath in thought as he made his way to his chambers. He was so distracted when he entered that he did not notice the shadowy figure standing in the corner. Nester Ren’s deep voice brought Kylo starkly back to his immediate surroundings.

“Apologies, Kylo, this is urgent, otherwise I would not have sought you out like this.” 

Kylo knew better than to doubt this man and his intentions, Nester had always been his most loyal and trusted knight. Kylo nodded and motioned for Nester to speak.

“We have uncovered a plot to overthrow you… you’ll hardly be surprised to learn that it involves General Hux,” Nester’s lip curled upward in a smile of disgust, “he altered the trooper conditioning programme to only be loyal to him so that he can take over the First Order.”

Kylo slammed his fist on the table, feeling the dark side swelling in him as his temper rose. “That snivelling piece of bantha dung!” he hissed. Suddenly, it occurred to Kylo that this was the opportunity he had been looking for to bring the First Order to its knees. He had to act quickly and decisively. Without missing a beat, he formulated a plan that would allow him to make an example of the traitor _and_ cripple the First Order. “Nester, gather the knights and track down all the traitors in the Officer Corps. Make arrangements to have them all gather on the Finalizer - and be sure not to arouse suspicion. If necessary, you can tell them that the Supreme leader would like to honour them for their meritorious service.”

“Yes, Kylo” Nester replied, not even questioning his master’s instructions.

“I will make sure the rest is taken care of. Thank you, Nester. Leave me now, we have much work to do.” Nester took his leave without another word. Kylo wasted no time in setting his plan into motion. He sat down behind his sleek, dark desk and used his commlink to contact Hux. “General, I need you to prepare a speech. I have decided to award our most dedicated officers for their service.” There was a moment of silence, and he could imagine Hux’s face twisting in confusion,

“Yes, Supreme Leader!” Hux responded at last, enthusiastically if a bit puzzled. Kylo signed off without a further word. Kylo then issued an executive order to recall all stormtrooper regiments under the guise of routine maintenance. The Order also allowed for crew furlough on all cruisers during this time, ensuring that only the traitors would be singled out. Kylo sat back in his chair, leaning his head against the back of his chair and spinning it to face the large window. He smiled at the galaxy of stars before him almost maliciously.

“Am I interrupting something?” Rey’s voice came as if from a long way away, followed moments later by all other sound being sucked away as she appeared before him. What were the chances, he thought, that the Force would connect them with her practically between his legs, her back to the view of the galaxy.

“I’m alone, sweetheart,” he grinned unabashedly.

“Good,” she smiled, wedging herself closer to his core. She tucked her hands into his hair, tilting his head up so that she could lower her mouth to his. “Mmmmmm, I’ve missed you,” she purred against his mouth.

“I wish you’d just let me kill everyone so that this could be over faster,” he practically groaned.

“No! Bad Sith! Killing bad!” He laughed, allowing her to tease him in a way in which no other living being would ever be allowed (and live to talk about). 

“Fine. But then I deserve another kiss,” he replied, pretending to pout. She acquiesced without a moment’s hesitation. Kylo held Rey gently in his arms and felt a belonging of which he would never tire. Rey turned her head to look at him and quipped,

“So, my lord, have you managed to come up with a plan that doesn’t involve _killing everyone?”_ she giggled as she said it. Kylo smiled,

“Well, in fact, I have,” he responded. He proceeded to quickly tell her of the development with Hux and his cunning plan. Rey thought for a moment and concluded that it would be entirely reliant on Kylo and Leia coming to an agreement.

“The best way to get to the resistance is to get Leia to turn,” Rey mused.

“…to the dark side. That won’t be easy,” Kylo retorted. Rey snorted with laughter.

“No, silly, agree to a truce in order to establish a foothold for peace and a life for us outside of this war.” By this point, he had moved to stand behind Rey, both of them facing the stars as his arms were wrapped around her. Kylo kissed Rey’s temple gently.

“I will create an opportunity for us to meet on Yavin to discuss this with Leia present. But, Rey, if we cannot reach an agreement, I will have to take more aggressive steps to secure our future,” he replied. Rey nodded once, tersely, then sighed and allowed the tension in her body to drain. She couldn’t disagree with Kylo, if Leia wouldn’t cooperate then things would have to be forced, inevitably leading to an ugly end. That was a possibility, but not an eventuality so she dropped the topic and leaned her head back against Kylo’s shoulder, turning it so that he could slant his mouth over hers, his long arms allowing his thumb to stroke over her jaw. She turned in his arms so that she could throw hers around his neck as they deepened the kiss. Pulling away slightly to take him in, she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. She wished she could kiss them away… well, there were other things she could do to relax him she decided. Without warning, she pushed slowly at his chest so that he had to loosen his arms, then fell to her haunches in front of him, eyeing her prize.

“Rey! What are you…?” Was all Kylo got out before Rey had managed to navigate undoing his pants and lowering them.

“I’m _hungry_ , Kylo,” and her eyes were definitely predatory. Kylo swallowed hard, unable to tear his eyes from Rey leaning towards his half-hard cock. She kissed the tip, which took him all the way to hard. She licked the vein running the length of his shaft, then swirled her tongue across the fat head, lubricating it before she took it in her mouth. He groaned involuntarily, automatically shoving a hand into her loosely tied hair, only to pull it away as he became aware that he may have hurt her. Rey halted his hand, placing it back in her hair and silently shaping it into a tight claw to pull at the roots. _Gods. Where did this woman come from?!_ He thought to himself in amazement. Rey increased the pace, taking as much of him as she could, opening her throat and swallowing to take in his whole length. At some point he looked down and realised that she had her other hand down her pants and was rocking against her fingers as she sucked him.

“I _LOVE_ you!” Kylo moaned in a raw, deep voice, gently thrusting his length into her mouth, causing Rey to moan around his shaft. That was all it took. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as spurt after spurt of his come filled her throat and mouth and dribbled down onto her chin. He thrust a few more shallow times then stilled, completely spent, gently pulling out of her sweet, hot mouth. He wondered idly if there was enough time to get Rey off before the connection closed, it was a miracle the Force had given them this much time. Rey grinned up at him, removed the hand down her pants to swipe some of his come from her chin onto her fingers, then she reinserted it to continue thrusting with his come as further lubrication. She rubbed it well into herself, moaning as she climaxed.

“Kriff. Rey. _That…_ was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole kriffing life. Just… Maker. Kriff!” Kylo rambled, more than half-way to being hard again.

“I wish we had more time,” she replied wistfully, eyeing his half-hard cock that he had already tucked back into his pants. She rose and nestled her head into his collar bone, each wrapping their arms around the other. The connection seemed to both last endlessly and not long enough after that.

\---------

The next morning there was a knock on Rey’s door.

“Rey, General Organa seeks an audience with you” a young female voice came.

Rey sighed. She had been dreading this moment. “I’ll be right there” she replied. She quickly jumped through the refresher and made her way to the command structure. It was not long before she found Leia. They stood in silence, almost as if they were in a stand-off. Rey remembered that they needed Leia for things to work out, lowering her head in unspoken submission to Leia. A few moments later, Leia spoke, addressing Rey formally,

“Rey, we are to meet a key figure from the First Order who wants to help us end the war. It’s set for Yavin 4. I was hesitant to attend in person, but my _and_ your presence was requested and defined as non-negotiable, so it would seem that my hand has been forced. However, I will not go in blindly. I have requested Poe to be our pilot and, given Finn’s familiarity with the First Order, he will accompany us. We are scheduled to leave first thing tomorrow evening.” Leia ended her debriefing in a clipped tone, leaving silence to reign once again. Rey fought to hide her panic at Poe and Fin accompanying them, that had not been part of the plan.

“This is a curious turn of events, General. However, if you think that this could help our cause then I will, of course, accompany you.”

“Good. Dismissed,” Leia intoned, and Rey left swiftly. She hoped fervently that Leia hadn’t seen right through her.

____ 

Rey felt like time had passed too fast as they set down on Yavin 4 to meet Kylo. She could feel his dark, molten presence and she had no doubt that Leia could feel him too. Leia turned to the rest of the party and warned, “Be ready for anything, this could be a trap.” As soon as the party descended the landing ramp, they were met by the intimidating figure of Kylo Ren, for once not wearing his helmet. Three sets of eyes narrowed as they took him in, focusing so hard that they missed the way in which their Jedi's eyes softened in response to his proximity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say, I had to really talk Mister TellmesomethingIdontknow_88 down from just killing everyone in the story, which I ended up putting into the chapter as a joke. 
> 
> But seriously, he had soooo many ideas, most of which were super creative ways for all the other characters to die (face palm). However - he gets a 10/10 for creativity hahaha.


End file.
